Finding Connection and Confidence Through Hip Hop

I went to two high schools before Mott Haven Community. In one school, I was skipping classes to spend time with my girlfriend and I got behind, so my mom told me to find a trade. After trying a trade program, I begged my mom to go back to school. We started searching for credit recovery schools, and that’s how we found Mott Haven Community.

I got into a fight my first month with a kid who I thought had gone through my bag. I was suspended and almost kicked out of school. Pretty soon, I was feeling overwhelmed with pressure to pass my classes and prepare for Regents exams (which are required to graduate from high school in New York). Depression and anxiety started kicking in. There were nights that I was so anxious about going to school the next day that I couldn’t sleep. Plus, things weren’t working out with my girlfriend, and I was becoming sad over that.

I started feeling like I wasn’t going to get through the challenges of high school. All this pressure was building up inside me. I wasn’t stable mentally. Then I got into an argument with my girlfriend that pushed me to the point that I wanted to take my life.

In the hospital, seeing people who were struggling with worse things than I was gave me some perspective. I also learned about activities like drawing that help when I feel depressed—and that I didn’t need to be in the hospital to do. After I left, I still felt depressed and anxious sometimes, but music helped. I started listening and relating to artists who were going through the same things I was, and it helped me feel less alone. Writing poetry also helped. It became an outlet for certain emotions when my mind was cluttered. After I wrote, I’d feel like I could let go of the things I was holding inside.

When I met J.C. and learned about the Hip Hop therapy program, it sounded like a cool way to share my creative side with somebody who understood and who I could trust. In the studio, I learned to write rap, which was different than my poetry. When I wrote poetry, it was just for me. I didn’t share it with anyone. But when I wrote rap, I wrote about things everyone could relate to because we’re all just dealing. I liked thinking that maybe my words would resonate with someone and help them like other artists helped me.

Without the Hip Hop therapy program, I probably wouldn’t have finished school. The studio got me excited about learning. Once I started writing rap, it was easier to write essays. Sharing lyrics on the stage made me more comfortable asking questions or presenting in class. And connecting with others in the group challenged and pushed me as an artist and as a person. Listening to them share their art and be vulnerable with their emotions taught me to respect others because everyone is going through something.

The program also helped me be more open to getting therapy because it didn’t seem like therapy. It felt like just a class where I learned how to talk about what I was going through. I’d had another therapist before coming to Mott Haven Community, but when I talked with J.C., I felt like he was interested in what I had to say and he was really there to help me. I didn’t feel like I was just talking to a wall. After graduating, the experience gave me the confidence to look for a therapist outside of school who was a better fit for me and even be open to taking medication if I needed it.

I think all schools should have a Hip Hop therapy program and a studio. You don’t know what kids are going through at home. When I was coming to school with anxiety—feeling suppressed with no outlet—no one knew. But the studio gets you engaged with school. You learn to write your own story, and that gives you control over your life. That’s what it did for me.

I used to feel nervous walking into classrooms. But now my life is a performance, and I’m the artist. So I walk into rooms with confidence. I wake up every day feeling like a superhero.

How can I save the world?

Ephraim Weir, who passed away in November 2024 soon after completing this article for American Educator, was a poet and Hip Hop artist by the name of HeFromWhere. He graduated from Mott Haven Community High School in 2016 and worked in Manhattan as a concierge. 

[Illustrations by Mink Couteaux. Photos courtesy of Kyle Morrison from the documentary Mott Haven]